A Lot of Them

I decided to to step up my asking propositions. Now instead of asking for 1 and taking 2. I go ahead and ask for a lot of them, I don't care what it is. 

"Landrum, do you want a cookie?" "No, I want a lot of them." 

"Landrum, do you want some M&Ms?" "No, I want a lot of them."

A or Some doesn't cut it. While you're in the giving spirit go ahead and give me a lot.

I mean, doesn't Jesus say something about ask and it shall be given you. Well, I'm asking baby.

Sneaky Me

I continue to overwhelm myself with how smart and clever I am. I've recently discovered a little trick that enables me to get more treats into my hands and then into my belly. So all you other little kiddos, listen up - class is in session. 

A few weeks ago mom made some homemade cookies. I love homemade cookies, but my parents think they make me wired so they limit my consumption, sometimes to none. Not cool. But I noticed something while I was persistently badgering my dad for a cookie. Instead of handing me one cookie, he put the whole plate in front of me and said take one. Well now, who is going to just take one when there are 20 cookies sitting there? So I grabbed two. Curious as to his response, I was mystified when all I got was a, "Sneaky Landrum, sneaky."  No way, I thought. I'll have to try this again. 

So last night my dad was eating a sandwich and chips. I had no interest in the sandwich, I eat one of those like everyday. But the chips, now that's a treat. So I asked him if I could have one. No. Then again. No. Then the third time he relented and stuck the plate in front of me and I grabbed two chips. Boo-yah! It works. 

So all you other rugrats, remember: beg for one, but if the chance presents itself to take more, don't hesitate. Just make sure you give a mischievous grin to let them know they are doing a good job raising a genius. 

Deposit

I love my brother, and we have fun playing together, when he plays by my rules. But sometimes I just need some extra attention, and therefore want mom or dad all to myself. So I'm always looking for opportunities for BroBro to go play somewhere else. Like yesterday, we went to Chick-A-Lay and I was incredible. I ate all my food, I took BroBro to the playroom and when it was time to leave, I didn't throw a fit. (I can be good when I want.) As we were headed to church, we swung by the bank. Mom said she had to drop-off a check. That's when I saw my chance. In my sweetest voice I asked if she wanted to drop BroBro off too. Mom didn't think he would like that. But I feel certain he would enjoy riding in the container up that tube.

Bored at Midnight

Some nights I have trouble staying asleep. So when I find myself awake at 12, or 2, or 4, I get bored. So, I call for mom or dad. Mom is more gentle in the middle of the night and she'll visit with me more, so I'll usually call her first. But then she gets tired of coming in so I'll call dad. He's a little more impatient so he's like, "What is it Landrum!?" Then I have to make up something quick. I'll usually say something like, "my leg hurts" or, "my eye hurts." I learned that one from daddy after I hit him in the eye.

Last night I called him in around midnight and he AGAIN asked what was wrong. I opted to go the, "my head hurts" route. He then proceeded to barrage me with questions about my ailment. "What's wrong with your head?" and "Landrum! Why does your head hurt?" Finally I came up with  a good answer and responded, "Because there's food on it!" He recognized that it was a legitimate excuse and kissed my head and put me back to sleep. Whew! I'll have to remember that one for next time.

My Job

I hear mom and dad talk about work and jobs and so I decided to I oughtta get myself a job. I thought about it and came up with some favorite places. So I announced last week at dinner that I now had a job. I was prepared when asked where. "Kroger," I responded. I wasn't prepared though when I got a barrage of questions like: "What to you do?" and "How much do you make?" and "When are you going to bring groceries home?" I didn't know what they were saying but I'm quick on my feet, so I promptly said, "I work with Mandy?" Then more questions about drugs and prescriptions and other mumbo jumbo. It doesn't matter anyway because I quit my job at Kroger. Mandy wasn't there the last two times I went anyway so when we went to Corner Bakery for our Friday breakfast I let it be known that I now worked at Corner Bakery. I didn't get any questions this time, so I guess mom and dad are satisfied with my new job. How could they not be? I just show up on Friday mornings, eat a blueberry muffin and leave. Who wouldn't want a job like that?

It'll be so fun

I like jumping on my dad, especially his stomach. It's gotten even more fun now that Broby is big enough to climb on dad's face while I jump. We are becoming a nice little dynamic duo. Today was a long and full day of activity with church and then a trip to Philadelphia to dedicate Mimi's CPC building. So, Broby was a little tired when we got home and turned in early. Not me. I made enough friends at the dedication. Friends that found me cute enough to fill me up with sugar cookies. So I had to tackle dad by myself. It wasn't as easy without my partner. So I devised a good plan, I just had to convince dad it was a good plan. So in my sweetest voice I said, "Dad, lay down so I can put this towel on your head and jump on you. It'll be so fun! You want to?" He didn't think it would be so fun.

Soooo.....

I very much dislike questions that start with "Why", because usually it's a question like:

"Why did you throw your plate on the floor?"

Or worse, "Why did you sit on your brother's head?"

Or worst of all, "Why did you teetee in your panties?"

Rarely do I get a "Why don't we go get you some ice cream?" or "Why don't we go to Chick-A-Lay?"

So when I hear a question directed at me and it begins with "Why...", I just go ahead and get my response ready. My go-to answers are:

"Soooo, you wanna watch Nemo?"

Or another goodie, "Soooo, you wanna go swing?"

Or my fav, "Soooo, you wanna go to Kroger?"

I think diversion is the best tactic for avoiding the real question. It doesn't always work, but I am always looking for new ways to stay out of trouble, so let me know if you have some other suggestions.